Monday, January 2, 2012
What Will This New Year Bring???
After an extremely hard semester at school and also to start the New Year off right, I wanted to go to mandir (Hindu temple). I'm not a religious person, but on occasion I'll get the sudden urge to go to mandir. This past year has been horrific....what with grueling classes and insane amounts of work and add to that the MS scare I had (which mind you, still is not resolved even though my LP came back negative). The end of 2010 and all of 2011 has just been one bird shitting on me every single day. Never felt like I could get ahead of myself. But I'm hella proud of myself bc even with the MS bs going on, I managed to finish my MA program with a 3.9 GPA. I wanted to go to mandir, not only to get some blessings for a happier new year, but also to just decompress. Even though it was crowded and I found myself losing my patience with ppl getting in the way, it was good. I found myself getting emotional--which is so rare bc I do not cry often--but as I was praying for what I wanted in the New Year, I found myself tearing up. I just want 2012 to be the best it can be. I'm so tired of being disappointed with everything. I want to be happy all the time and not just have happy moments here and there. Leaving the mandir, I felt a sense of relief. Like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I have made the resolution to look at things in a positive way from now on....no matter how frustrating or disappointing a situation. I think 2012 will be a great year. Here's to wishing, hoping, praying.
I feel like Cinderella...except instead of leaving my glass slipper, I left my water bottle!
So this is week 2 of living at home and it hasn't been as bad as I had anticipated *knock on wood*. However the boredom is starting to get to me. I need to find a job ASAP! Unfortunately, it's not as easy as I thought it would be--especially in my field. Just gonna have to keep searching though!
What's been on my mind lately, is a lost opportunity:
My entire life I have been timid--I grew up in a sheltered home with overprotective parents. They love me so much that they want to protect me from any and every danger or "danger" in their eyes. Never was I able to stay out past 9pm, never did I get to go to school dances, never was I able to date, etc. I lived my undergrad years at college in a fear that something bad would happen if I didn't live my life the way my parents wanted me to. So I never got drunk (I did try drinking a little with friends, but would feel guilty), never went out with guys....always hung out with the safe options. During my graduate years, I decided I wanted to be a bit more brazen. Go out my comfort zone. And I accomplished that on a small level, however, now when I was ready to go out and party with friends....we were in grad school....meaning all my friends (and myself included) were on a limited budget and had no time to have fun due to school work.
Well, last Friday night, I had the perfect opportunity at my friend's bachelorette party. We went to AC and partied at The Pool After Dark at Harrah's. All my friends were getting hit on by guys, a couple of them even making out with others....but I guess my timidness was obvious since no one really approached me. I had my eye on this one guy the whole night (he looked like a Jay Sean doppleganger---my weakness!)....but he never looked in my group's direction. Finally at 3am, as I was trying to round up all my drunken friends (I was stone cold sober), he grabs my arm and slowly runs his hand down the length of my arm and tangles our fingers together. I was so stunned that a guy that I had my eye on was actually approaching me but I could not help but feel cynical and skeptical. It was 3am....c'mon....the guy was obviously drunk off his ass. He probably couldn't see straight and wanted to get laid and grabbed the next girl that walked by. I was able to talk to him about nonsense (he was talking about my water bottle bc it was a weird shape--like a cylinder--and I don't know if he was so drunk he had nothing better to talk bout but my water bottle or if he was just a bad conversationalist--either way it was kinda entertaining and I told him since he was so entranced by this water bottle he could have it) for about a minute before my friends pulled me away to go back to our rooms. Without blinking an eye and bc I was still stunned, I turned to him and said my friends needed me and I have to go. He let me go but as I was rounding up the rest of the girls, I walked past him a few times. I couldn't help but regret just leaving it like that. I don't even know his name! I can't help but still regret it.....3 days later. I keep thinking "what if". I wish I had better judgement and was able to think fast enough to leave him with some kind of info from both of us.
Lost opportunity. Now I'm kicking myself. I feel like Cinderella, except instead of leaving my glass slipper, I left my water bottle with him....and a glass slipper you can trace back....an unidentifiable water bottle---you cannot. BAAHHHHHHHH
What's been on my mind lately, is a lost opportunity:
My entire life I have been timid--I grew up in a sheltered home with overprotective parents. They love me so much that they want to protect me from any and every danger or "danger" in their eyes. Never was I able to stay out past 9pm, never did I get to go to school dances, never was I able to date, etc. I lived my undergrad years at college in a fear that something bad would happen if I didn't live my life the way my parents wanted me to. So I never got drunk (I did try drinking a little with friends, but would feel guilty), never went out with guys....always hung out with the safe options. During my graduate years, I decided I wanted to be a bit more brazen. Go out my comfort zone. And I accomplished that on a small level, however, now when I was ready to go out and party with friends....we were in grad school....meaning all my friends (and myself included) were on a limited budget and had no time to have fun due to school work.
Well, last Friday night, I had the perfect opportunity at my friend's bachelorette party. We went to AC and partied at The Pool After Dark at Harrah's. All my friends were getting hit on by guys, a couple of them even making out with others....but I guess my timidness was obvious since no one really approached me. I had my eye on this one guy the whole night (he looked like a Jay Sean doppleganger---my weakness!)....but he never looked in my group's direction. Finally at 3am, as I was trying to round up all my drunken friends (I was stone cold sober), he grabs my arm and slowly runs his hand down the length of my arm and tangles our fingers together. I was so stunned that a guy that I had my eye on was actually approaching me but I could not help but feel cynical and skeptical. It was 3am....c'mon....the guy was obviously drunk off his ass. He probably couldn't see straight and wanted to get laid and grabbed the next girl that walked by. I was able to talk to him about nonsense (he was talking about my water bottle bc it was a weird shape--like a cylinder--and I don't know if he was so drunk he had nothing better to talk bout but my water bottle or if he was just a bad conversationalist--either way it was kinda entertaining and I told him since he was so entranced by this water bottle he could have it) for about a minute before my friends pulled me away to go back to our rooms. Without blinking an eye and bc I was still stunned, I turned to him and said my friends needed me and I have to go. He let me go but as I was rounding up the rest of the girls, I walked past him a few times. I couldn't help but regret just leaving it like that. I don't even know his name! I can't help but still regret it.....3 days later. I keep thinking "what if". I wish I had better judgement and was able to think fast enough to leave him with some kind of info from both of us.
Lost opportunity. Now I'm kicking myself. I feel like Cinderella, except instead of leaving my glass slipper, I left my water bottle with him....and a glass slipper you can trace back....an unidentifiable water bottle---you cannot. BAAHHHHHHHH
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Newbie
I'm finishing up school and will be moving back home at the end of December. It is during those times, that I will have interesting things to write about....as I slowly lose my sanity. So wait for me till then, bc all I have to write about now is WHINE WHINE WHINE I DON'T WANNA WORK ON PAPERS!
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